When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer?
Growing up, I never thought I would write a book. However, I did participate in many writing exercises in school, dating back to my days in elementary school, but the idea of writing a book never entered my mind. I wrote papers for my classes in secondary and postsecondary schools, kept a journal during my early teen and teen years, and entered numerous writing contests on important issues because I loved to write, but the thought of becoming an author never crossed my mind. Even though I was an avid writer, it was not until my days in college that my parents asked me, “Why don’t you write a book? You have a most compelling story that people would find intriguing and inspirational.” I laughed at this thought because I knew it took way too much work to write a book and because I honestly thought that no one would read my story. Since the publication of my book, I am happy to say that I was wrong. People from all over the world have reached out to me about my book.
How long does it take you to write a book?
It took nine months for me to write my book. I call it my baby. I began writing my manuscript in April 2015 and on January 26, 2016, BULLIED From Terror to Triumph, My Survival Story was released. It did not take me long to write this book because I have always had my story in me. As I started the writing process, the words flowed on the pages and sometimes I wrote 50 pages a day.
What is your work schedule like when you’re writing?
Writing my book, I made sure that I did not let it interfere with my main job as the Assistant Director at the University of Southern California (USC). I worked 8:30 am – 5:00 pm Mondays through Fridays at USC, and once I got off work, I headed towards Hollywood or Beverly Hills to work red carpet premieres or galas. I would arrive to the gala around 7:00 pm to host on the red carpet until approximately 9:00 pm, stay for the event, leave the event around 11:00 pm and head home. Once I got home around 11:30 pm, I wrote and worked on my manuscript. Often, I stayed up for an hour and other times, I stayed up several hours. On weekends, I devoted full days to working on my manuscript. Any few minutes I could squeeze to work on my book, I did. I worked full time at USC, was a dedicated red carpet host for Rich Girl Network.TV, volunteered in the community, and mentored students, all while writing my book. People often ask, “How did you find the time to write your book with everything you had going on?” My answer is simple and always the same, “When you want to do something, you find a way; when you do not want to do something, you find an excuse. I was so passionate about writing my book that I found the time, and because of it, my manuscript was turned into a book! I do not believe in excuses.”
What would you say is your interesting writing quirk?
My interesting writing quirk is that when I write my first draft, I just write. I do not focus on grammar, punctuation marks, run on sentences, or anything. I only write. As I worked on my manuscript, I had a plethora of typos, run-on sentences, lack of punctuation, made up words that my document on my computer looked like it was bleeding because there were so many things underlined that were incorrect. I was not fazed by this. The only thing I was concerned with was getting my idea and concept on paper. This is why editing is so beautiful because I could go back and fix the errors, run-on sentences, add information, delete paragraphs, and more. I edited and re-edited my manuscript at least 15 times. In addition, my publishing company, Lee’s Press edited my document at least four times, too. Editing is what turned my really, not so good rough draft into a beautiful, published book.
Also, during the writing process, I kept my cell phone even closer to me. When I was at work, at an event, sitting in the awful Los Angeles traffic, and an idea or thought came to me, I immediately went to the Notes section in my phone and jotted it down. I made sure I had a place to write down my creative thoughts and suggestions. This is where I got ideas for my chapter titles, catchy phrases, humor, and more. I would be at a stoplight and an idea would hit me, and I would grab my phone and type it in my notes. I would hear a song on the radio and think, “my chapter could be similar to this song title.” Inspiration came from everywhere.
Where do you get your information or ideas for your books?
For my book, I got my information from my experiences throughout life, and I also talk about my family and friends in my memoir, and I got this information from family members, such as my mom and dad. I got the idea to write my story because I continued to be maddened, saddened, and heartbroken by listening to the news and reading articles about students being bullied at school and some resorting to suicide that I knew I had to be vulnerable and share my bullying story in hopes of helping those who are in similar situations. My goal was to be part of the solution. I did not only want to talk about it; I wanted to be about it and do something.
Do you have any suggestions to help me inspiring? If so, what are they?
My suggestion on being inspiring is to treat everyone with dignity and respect. Throughout my life, I have treated everyone respectfully. Even the students who bullied me in school, for the most part, I never made fun of them for their situations or belittled them like they did me. I was the bigger person and turned the other cheek. I could have made fun of those who bullied me, but that was not how I was raised. Because of the way I treat people, it has helped advance my career. Whether the individual is a street sweeper, custodial staff member, president of a college, or a celebrity, I treat every last person like a human being because that is what they are and deserve to be treated as such. I do not demean or look down on anyone. If people would learn to be more caring and kind and to treat people equally, then our world would be a more loving place. If you want to be inspiring, be kind and treat everyone with love and respect.
If you could have been told one thing that you weren’t told when you were a teenager, what would you like to have heard?
I cannot think of anything I wish I would have been told. Either I was told something when I was a teenager and did not listen and later learned why I should have listened or I was told something and later in life, what I was told made perfect sense.
What are some issues that you dealt with when you were younger?
Issues I dealt with when I was younger were bullying, racism, self-esteem woes, and insecurities. For 13 years of my life, I was bullied physically, verbally, and emotionally by students and teachers at school. I had a student try and break my arm; I had food thrown at me in the cafeteria and on the bus, and I had a student threaten to kill me. At one point in my life, I became so low and depressed that I contemplated suicide when I was 16 years old. Students called me names such as Geico Direct, Oreo, and sell out, geek, nerd, teacher ’s pet, ugly, shorty by nature, and more. I was so insecure about my eyes because they are big that I prayed to God to make my eyes normal. I placed a picture of my sister underneath my pillow every night and asked God to make my eyes normal like hers. I also wanted to have reconstructive surgery to reduce my eye size, and I walked around with my eyes squinted. I was insecure about my body size because students made fun of my small chest and because I was skinny. They said I looked anorexic and compared me to a skeleton. I was embarrassed of my body because of the remarks people said about me. I dealt with internal and external racism and was called derogatory names. Often times, some people were shocked that I could speak and write so well and that I was so accomplished. They had a hard time believing me when I shared with them about my accomplishments. They could not fathom that a black woman had done so much.
How are they different to the current issues that girls and young women are facing?
The issues I faced are similar to the issues that young women face today. The only difference is that in regards to bullying, young people have to deal with cyberbullying, which is so much worse. I thank God that I did not grow up with social media because I am sure I would have been bullied at school and online. It would have been entirely too much for me to handle. Today, girls and young women still face self-esteem issues, especially in regard to the media and body image. Girls and young women sometimes have to prove their worth, so they are fighting a never ending battle. In some areas, things have improved, but in other areas, there are still battles being fought.
How have you used your past experiences to help others better their own lives?
Undoubtedly, I have used my past experiences to help others. With the bullying, this is the whole reason I wrote my book BULLIED From Terror to Triumph, My Survival Story. My goal is to give hope, encouragement, inspiration, and resources to help students and even adults who are bullied. In addition, I share my story and I tell people that my experiences made me better not bitter. I could have used my obstacles as excuses for not achieving and going on with life, but I chose to use them as more motivation to push through life, to become a better Tensie, and to prove my naysayers wrong. I help others by being a mentor to young people and students; I help others by providing donations to funds and study abroad opportunities. Many people have reached out to me since my book was published asking how to write a book. I help them by having phone conversations and giving them suggestions on starting their manuscript. One of my favorite adages is, “To whom much is given, much is required.” Countless people have given to me through mentorship, donations, love, understanding, encouragement, and sacrifices. Now that I am in a position to give back and help others, I happily do so.
If you were the Miss World, what would your message for our next generation be?
If I were Miss World, my message for our next generation would be to treat everyone you meet kindly, to persevere, and to never let anyone tell you what you can’t do. Each person has the ability to achieve and become anything that (s)he sets his/her mind to. Instead of being discouragers, let’s encourage our fellow brothers and sisters and show them that we have the love of God in us by our actions, words, and deeds.
As a child, what did you wish to become when you grew up?
I had a very vivid imagination as a child, and I wanted to become several professions, such as a computer engineer, an astronaut, a talk show host, and a pediatrician. As I got older, I knew I wanted to make a difference in students’ lives, and that is where my love and interest in education began. Today, I work at the University of Southern California as the Assistant Director of the Black Alumni Association, where I help students with their professional and career development, public speaking skills, leadership abilities, and assist with providing resources to aid in solidifying internships and study abroad opportunities for them. Furthermore, the dream I had of becoming a talk show host is still in my ambition book! I already have a head start by being a red carpet host for Rich Girl Network.TV.
What’s your motto in life?
My motto in life is a quote I coined myself: “I used the desire from others to see me fail as motivation to see myself excel.” In essence this means that there is always going to be someone who does not root for you or wants to see you fail in life. Do not focus the attention on them, but instead focus the attention on yourself and be motivated and empowered to accomplish your dreams and goals, and you will excel!
How do you think women can start to feel good about themselves regardless of the media’s influence?
Women can start to feel good about themselves by ignoring the media’s definition of beauty. Regardless of a woman’s shape, body size, eye color, hair texture, lip size, height, or color of skin, she should wake up in the morning and say, “I am beautiful!” It took years for me to realize my beauty because of society’s pressures and how students treated me at school, but now I recognize that I am a beautiful woman, both inwardly and outwardly, and what others say about me or the opinions of society do not affect my self-esteem. I know my worth and every woman should feel that she is worthy, too. If she does not, then she needs to surround herself around people who realize her worth and appreciate her for who she is.
What makes you unique?
One thing that makes me unique is my name. People often remark that Tensie is a unique
name, and it is. I am named after my aunt Tensie Dale, and I am very proud of my name.
What also makes me unique is that I am very talented. I play piano, trumpet, and
omnichord, sing soprano and alto range, dance, rap, and recite. I began reciting when I
was three years old, and I have traveled all across the United States and internationally
reciting and making speeches. I began reciting Dr. King’s I Have a Dream Speech, as
well as other works of literature by Paul Laurence Dunbar, Langston Hughes, James
Weldon Johnson, Walt Whitman, Robert Frost, Edgar Allan Poe, and more. I love
speaking and using my voice to effect change.
Do you think social media negatively affects women’s self-esteem? How?
I think social media can sometimes negatively affect women’s self-esteem. We are bombarded with pictures of women being “perfect” with their bodies. You hardly see pictures of women in bathing suits with stretch marks or many pictures of women who are plus size. I see us moving in the direction and showcasing a few more women who are plus size, but still, most images that are portrayed are of tall women with slim bodies, small waists, no lines, wrinkles or stretchmarks on their bodies. This is not reality. All women come in different sizes and showing women with freckles, wrinkles, stretchmarks, birthmarks, healed scars are what make women real and human. There is no such thing as a “perfect body,” and if so, it is definitely photo shopped and airbrushed.
What kind of services do you think that we, as a community can put in place for our future generation of young women leaders?
Services that we as a community can put in place for our future generation of young women leaders are programs such as Beauty without Borders. I applaud this organization for bringing to light issues that girls and young women face and inspiring them. I love this! Girls and young women need to see positive role models and build on their self-esteem, self-confidence, and realize their worth, and this is what Beauty without Borders does. Kudos to you for starting this organization!
I also think that having more mentorship programs, academic programs, and athletic programs can help our young women leaders. Programs that allow girls and young women to shadow their role model for the day or have young women learn about proper etiquette at dinner meetings are all important lessons to learn. Even having programs that teach young women how to dress like women and how to properly apply makeup are important. It saddens me when I see young women dressing inappropriately for their age or wearing too much makeup. Yet, having resources, programs, and the proper channels in place can make a monumental difference. When I continue to climb the ladder of success, I want to use my resources, networks, connections, and finances to create scholarship opportunities, to take women to other countries to learn about various cultures and customs, and to create internship and co-ops. Exposure is key, and I was blessed to have been exposed to many things growing up, such as college, beautiful homes, travel, and more. I wholeheartedly believe that by exposing girls and young women to opportunities can show them that with hard work, education, determination, and perseverance, anything can be within their reach.
Is there anything else you want to add?
I want to add information about my book. It is entitled BULLIED From Terror to Triumph, My Survival Story, and it recounts the physical, verbal, and emotional bullying I experienced for 13 years of my life. Despite what I went through, I provide advice and resources to help those who are bullied and to help those who are struggling with life. Celebrities including DeVon Franklin, Jayne Kennedy Overton, Carl Anthony Payne, Porscha Coleman, Gary Hardwick, and Amy Newmark endorsed my book. As challenging as life can be, the main message in my book is that with mentorship, support, faith, and hard work, you can overcome it and accomplish your goals.
My book can be purchased online through Amazon, Books-a-million, and Barnes & Noble. It is rated as a Best Seller on Amazon. For people who wish to follow me on social media, my information is as follows:
Facebook Fan Page: Tensie J. Taylor
Twitter: @MsTensie
Instagram: tensietaylor
YouTube: TensieT
I also want to thank my parents, Robert and Levonia Taylor of Louisburg, North Carolina for being such a strong and inspirational force in my life! Without their teachings, sacrifices, and unending support, I would not be the woman I am today.
